Economic Strife and the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Synopsis: When Indy decides to change his name to “Economic”, against the advice and better judgement of his friend and colleague Marcus Brody, he is instantly disowned by his father, Henry Strife Sr., and expelled from the University at which he works for failing to have a sensible first name.  Within hours of his departure, though, he is catapulted into a new adventure in which he must face hordes of ruthless investors who are so unbelievably pig-ignorant that they create the very economic crisis that they so fear…

Coming soon to a theatre near you.

So…just why are people so fucking dumb?  Okay, so the banks were on fairly shaky ground to begin with, but what’s the one thing guaranteed to tip a financial institution over the edge?  Banks need money (don’t we all?), but interestingly there isn’t a bank in the world that actually has enough capital at any one time – even times of financial stability - to give everyonetheir money at the same instant.  The banking sector is based on the principal that their customers can take out a bit of money and leave the rest riding in cyberspace, where it can grow into even larger sums of virtual-money, and this growth is what they call “profit” (in addition to the exhorbitant and unfair charges they levy whenever a customer so much as looks at them).

What kind of ignorant twat would think that the best way of safeguarding their money is to take it out of the very institution that is safeguarding their money?

It’s identical to the stock markets in this respect – rumours go around of the potential instability of a particular share.  Because people are morons and actually listen to this shit, they panic and sell their shares at whatever price they can get for them.  One guy sells his shares in a hurry (often at a knock-down price) and others get deeply concerned so they too sell off their shares post-haste.  Before you know it, the shares are absolutely worthless, and not because of any actual problem with the shares but because of a belief that there is a problem.  It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

I actually think that a large part of the current financial problem is down to the media – they hear of a slight upset in the financial markets, blow it up out of all proportion, scare the crap out of just about everyone and bring about the collapse of the economy because people actually believe what they read and then set about dealing with the problem the worst way possible.

If it wasn’t so serious it would be hilarious.

Here’s something that most people don’t seem to realise:

Money Doesn’t Exist.

It’s true.  Money exists only as a concept in people’s minds.  Sure, we used to have a gold standard – on a UK £20 note it still says “I promise to pay the bearer upon demand the sum of twenty pounds”.  But twenty pounds of what?  It used to be that you could legitimately walk into the Bank of England and demand your £20 of gold – you wouldn’t get a very big lump, it must be said, but that was your right as the possessor of a £20 note.  If you were to do that today then the only thing you would get would be a smirk.  Surely this means that the Bank of England is guilty of misrepresentation and should be immediately investigated by the Office of Fair Trading?

And where is our gold?  It’s in China, of course.  Gordon Brown sold it to China for a fraction of its value because he desperately needed the money (because our Economy’s so strong under New Labour – thank God the days of “Boom and Bust” are over, eh?).  But then England’s good at things like that – we sell our gas and oil to Europe, apparently just for the privilege of buying it back at a loss.  Still, I think it’s a fair exchange – we give China all of our gold, and China gives us a bajillion units of tacky plastic shit that our children can buy with their pocket money.  Get the kids spending – that’s the secret to a healthy economy.

So what can we do about the current economic situation?  I think the only solution is to set up a free (and preferably obligatory) training programme that can teach people how to not be a complete moron.  Listen up everybody – hold your nerve, keep your money where it is and just let things blow over, for Christs’ sake.

 

 

PS – I’m afraid I can’t help out – financally - with this one because I’m broke.  However, I’m more than happy to share my thoughts with the world.